You’re SOOOO skinny, I hate you!

Getting real tired of this. I got it again today at McDonald’s, where it was immediately followed by a running commentary on how “lucky” I was to be able to eat a Double Cheeseburger meal without gaining any weight. What do you say to someone who, seriously or not, publicly proclaims hatred for you? Thanks?

Yes, actually. This is supposed to be a compliment. A complete stranger walking up to me, commenting on my body, telling me that they hate me with varying degrees of sincerity, and making broad assumptions about my lifestyle and personality, and I’m supposed to be so flattered. Obviously, I mean, duh, I’m skinny! What could be better?

I haven’t kept track because I’m not an obsessive weirdo, but I figure I get the “you’re sooo skinny, I hate you” line (the same line too, is there a pamphlet that gets sent out that I don’t know about?) about four or five times a year, with much higher frequency when I was in my undergrad and in high school. I’ve been told how wonderfully skinny I am in tones ranging from “gushing” to “thinly-veiled rage” ever since I was in elementary school, by friends, relatives, classmates, co-workers, authority figures, and total strangers.

Stop it. All of you. One, I didn’t do shit to be thin, my body type is simply one of a large range of natural physiques, so stop acting like I’ve done something amazing and worthy of public comment. I do love veggies, but you’ll often find me chowing down on the aforementioned McDonald’s, swigging a delicious soda, or mauling a box of Reese’s cups. Exercise? I walk, that’s about it. This is what I look like naturally, and it is pure dumb luck and nothing else that it happens to conform with Western society’s ideal body type.

Two, and more importantly, when someone walks up to me and blurts out the dreaded line, it is generally part of a wider range of assumptions that I find unpleasant and offensive. To wit:

• The assumption that thinness is something to be envied in other women and something to cause rancorous feelings towards women thinner than oneself. It is not a contest. There is ALWAYS going to be someone skinner and hotter than you (and me). I understand that media and social conditioning are particularly strongly focused on women, but I do not like the whole “women as catty bitches” concept and resent being made a party to it.
• The assumption that I must be anorexic. I do not currently have and have never had a problem with any kind of eating disorder, but if I did some of the things people have said to me would almost certainly qualify as triggers. I do not appreciate being told to “eat a sandwich,” asked in public how little I eat, being told jovially that I must not eat anything at all, being referred to an anorexia crisis center, and being asked how often I purge. All true stories. If I had an eating disorder, do you think I’d casually admit it at Thanksgiving or to some lady I just ran into at FE21? Why would anyone treat a serious disorder in such a cavalier fashion?
• The assumption that thin women have nothing to complain about and cannot possibly have any body image issues. Well, I do. My hair is thin, I have mild eczema, the end of my nose is shaped like a ball and not in the cute way, I have a bit of stomach pudge, etc etc. I am not really the type to complain often and loudly about my insecurities, but I have on a couple occasions been labeled a “whiner” because I dared to express a dissatisfaction with my body to someone who was heavier than me. Being thin does not imbue me with perfect self-esteem and it does not negate any other issues I may have, either with my actual body or with my life in general.

I hesitated before writing this because it kind of reminded me of men who (incorrectly) complain about how feminists never talk about how hard it is for them or white people who talk about how “reverse racism” took away their opportunities. As much as I dislike being targeted for my thinness, I am not going to pretend it’s some kind of “reverse size-ism” and that I face the same discrimination in hiring and social situations that fat women face, because that’s just ridiculous. The worst I have to face is those Dove ads that imply I’m not a “real woman” and people telling me to eat a sandwich. I can assume that, however much unwanted attention my body may draw, it is never expressed in ridicule or disgust. As I am not small enough to be considered really petite, I can always count on finding a wide selection of beautiful clothes in my size anywhere I go. I can assume that my food and exercise choices are not judged by anyone other than a relatively small and insignificant minority. Nobody, ever, in my entire life, has mocked me for my body type. I freely admit that I have size privilege (though I try to do everything I can not to take advantage of it), just as I have able, white, class, and cisgender privilege.

I don’t want to come off as someone who’s saying, “oh, poor me, it’s so hard to have a body type that conforms to a desirable social ideal!” because I do not think that. I love my body, and, if I have to admit, am a little glad it happens to conform to the ideal, even if I’m bothered by the unearned privilege that entails. What bothers me about the “you’re so skinny” thing is the widely-accepted concept that the public has ownership over women’s bodies and free range to comment on them, and that if the commentary is about something generally considered to be a positive ideal, I have no right to complain or be offended by it. Moreover, I am bothered by the idea that, having achieved the Holy Grail of a thin body, I can’t have anything else to be unhappy about, because once I have a body that conforms to (mostly male) expectations, what else is there for me to care about?